Hello darlings. It has been awhile. Since my last post I have worked way too many hours at the fire center, spent an evening with funny guys, walked through a cemetery after a storm, played a joke on a new acquaintance, saw a friend I haven’t seen in a few years, ate at the Matador three times, danced at Humpin Hannah’s with silly friends, bought four new dresses, ate vegetables and curled my hair a few times.
Last Sunday Mom, Ashlee and I went to see Eat Pray Love at the movie theater. I have to be honest, I was really skeptical. Last year I tried to read the book, but couldn’t get through the first chapter. I didn’t think I could find any common ground with a woman in her early 30s, getting a divorce and traveling around the world in order to “find herself.” The movie pleasantly surprised me and I identified with Elizabeth more than I thought possible. Tears welled up in my eyes when Elizabeth drops on her knees, praying and pleading with God to give her a sign, to show her exactly what she should do, because I am at that point in my life.
If you know me or have been following my blog, you know that the past couple years of my life haven’t exactly been easy. Since my internship ended I feel lost and confused. I’ve been searching and praying; trying to figure out what I am supposed to do next. I’ve felt apathetic and indifferent. Nothing seems clear.
I want direction, passion, and intention; many of the same things Elizabeth was craving when she spent her year traveling around the world. I personally don’t think I will find my answers, my future and myself by traveling around the world. I know and believe with all my heart that my identity can and only will be found in Jesus Christ. Unfortunately I still don’t know what is next in my life.
One of my favorite lines from the movie was, “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” I love this because it is such a positive way to look at the difficulties in life. I believe that God can and will use our pain, heartbreaks and struggles for good. We hurt, but we learn, grow and become who we are meant to be. John 16:33 says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
So once again I still don’t know where I am headed or what I am doing, but I know that I am being transformed. It hurts like hell, but I am on my way; keeping my eyes and ears open, waiting and praying for a sign from God. Along the way I hope I can do more than just survive; I want to get through victoriously.