Wednesday, September 17, 2008

feeling reflective

Through numerous events in this past year, well even before this year, I have been reminded of how fragile life is.  I have been separated from many of the people I love while I have been living in California.  Two important people in my life were diagnosed with cancer and have fought like hell.  One of my friends fell over 100 ft and is alive to tell about it.  Natural disasters have destroyed homes and lives.  And these are only the things that I can remember right now.

Often I worry that my emotions are too much.  That if I share them with the people I care about then I will be stereotyped as an overly emotional girl.  The problem with me is that I feel things so deeply.  Even when people I don’t know are experiencing hardship and tragedy my heart breaks for them.  Maybe that does make me an overly emotional girl.  Or maybe I am just empathetic.

I think it’s true that often the things we regret in life are the things we don’t do.  So I just want to say, my dear family, my dear friends, thank you for sharing your lives with me.  I love you all so much.  Those words seem so trivial when I write them, but they are filled with so much more than I can verbalize.  I read a girl’s blog today and about her friends she said, “These people have changed and have changed me, and it’s hard to recognize because I am woven in them and they are woven in me.”  The same is true of you.  You have helped to shape my life and I am better because of you.

Following is something I got from Jessica’s blog.  Things you want to say to people, but never could.  Don’t say their name and never mention it again. 

1. Thank you for your sacrifices for me.  You always are there for me with support and advice.  I would be utterly lost without your guidance and wisdom.

2. You are the best friend a girl could have.  I love your passion and the flair and style you bring to my life.  I am so proud of you and how hard you work.  Thanks for always being there for me.

3. I miss you more than you know.  You are doing such great things with your life.  How lucky to have you by my side during that time of growth in my life.

4. Damn girl.  You are so fun.  I am so blessed to have you in my life.  I love your quirkiness, sense of humor and love of shoes.

5. I am so proud of you and how you’ve grown and changed in these last few years.  I hope you keep it up because you have so much potential.  I pray your life is filled with more blessings than you can count.

6. I had so much fun with you.  You were one of my best friends and you meant so much to me.  You still do.  I am sad that it had to end, but I know that it as cliché as it is, it was for the best.  You have made me better.  I wish we still talked.

7. I care about you so much and think you deserve the absolute best in life.  You were there when no one else was.  I wish that you saw me differently.  I think you have some growing to do.  I know God has big things planned for your life.  I hope I am part of it.

8. Even though you are younger than me I look up to you.  I have always been a little jealous of your life, looks, attitude and outlook on life.  It seems like you have everything I want, but I couldn’t be happier for you.

Lord, Don't You Care?

It's amazing how God speaks to you if you just slow down to listen.

Excerpts from Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World


3 Deadly D's of Destruction
1. Distraction
2. Discouragement
3. Doubt

"Trust Me, My child, I have your ultimate good in mind."

What is it about us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always "know," to always "understand"?  We want an itinerary for our life, and when God doesn't immediately produce one, we set out to write our own.
"I need to know," we tell ourselves.
"No," God answers softly, "you need to trust."

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

i'm not that girl

hands touch, eyes meet
sudden silence, sudden heat
hearts leap in a giddy whirl
he could be that boy
but i'm not that girl

don't dream too far
don't lose sight of who you are
don't remember that rush of joy
he could be that boy
i'm not that girl

ev'ry so often we long to steal
to the land of what-might-have-been
but that doesn't soften the ache we feel
when reality sets back in

blithe smile, lithe limb
she who's winsome, she wins him
gold hair with a gentle curl
that's the girl he chose
and heaven knows
i'm not that girl

don't wish, don't start
wishing only wounds the heart
i wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
there's a girl i know
he loves her so
i'm not that girl



lyrics from wicked
the epitome of unrequited love

Monday, September 15, 2008

If.But.

found in my journal from June


If my words were eloquent and deep
Would you listen?
But my words are jumbled and not as meaningful as I'd like
If my hair was longer and darker
Would you see?
But my hair is uniquely strawberry blonde and sometimes unmanageable
If I was exceedingly confident and outgoing
Would your heart quicken?
But sometimes I doubt myself and come across as shy
This is me
Unperfect and quirky
I won't change myself into someone
I think you may like more than me
I will be me
I hope that is enough
I hope that I am enough

Thursday, September 4, 2008

excerpt from How To Be Single: A Novel

I have to say this, and I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. You both are gorgeous women.  You are smart and funny and hot.  To think that you would end up with no love in your lives is absolutely bullcrap.  It's just not possible.  You two are goddesses.  I know you don't want to believe me, but it's true.  Beautiful, sexy goddesses.  And you shouldn't consider, even for a moment, that you won't have as much happiness in your life as you can possibly stand.