Monday, May 19, 2008

Bound and Rebound

Today I was hit with the realization of the changes that are taking place in my life. That may sound like a dumb statement. Yes, I have been thoroughly aware that big changes are/will be occurring in my life, but today made it real.

As I was sitting in church this morning I began to think about the next time I would be back and it struck me that I don't know when I will be home again, to go to church, to see my family and friends.

I don't know when I will be back again. I hate that statement.

I about wanted to break down in tears as I talked with people after the service. Everyone is so excited for me; they said they are so proud of me, that I will do a great job and that my church will love me. Pastor even prayed for me during the service. I don't want to leave those people....not that I have been around a lot this year, but I don't know when I will see most of them again. I was saying goodbye to Katie and had to tell her that I might not see her until next year, same with Joan and Christi.

I know God has placed me at St. Luke Lutheran in Claremont because it is where I am supposed to be. I know God is going to be with me every step of the way. I know that I will not be alone. I know all that. But I am still scared. I don't want to let this go. To let home go. To let people and relationships go.

I guess that is just the way life goes though. Change after change. I don't know how I feel about this growing up thing, but I am thankful that it is God's hand guiding me.

Friday, May 9, 2008

it's like second drink!

Done. I am done. Wow.
I am not sure what to feel.
I just rushed through, focusing on the next thing I needed to accomplish and now I am done.

I checked out of my room around nine this morning. I was sad to say goodbye to my roomies, we were a great trio. (Despite me not going out in public with them...haha.) Leaving school and driving up to Rancho, I felt like I should have felt deeper sadness or joy or something....anything, but I have not allowed myself time to process or feel what is going on.

This was a big year for me. A time for me to step out into the world, completely on my own with a complete reliance on God to provide for me. This year has been difficult....although, I think difficult is an understatement. I do not think I let on to anyone how hard this year really has been for me; it has been incredibly lonely at times, but God has blessed me abundantly this year. I have many wonderful memories from this year and I have met dozens of people who have blessed and encouraged me more than they will ever know.

Not only has it been hard to process finishing school, but now I need to process becoming an intern!
"With great power, comes great responsibility."
I am intimidated.

Okay. It's been a long day of travel. I need to turn off my brain and get some rest.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

hugs are the best

So Jenny, Jessie, Ashlee and I have been approved for an apartment in Claremont. It is a super cute, four bedroom, two bathroom, townhouse style place, with a pool on site. Although, it is possible that we will get the parsonage, but I am waiting to hear from my Pastor.

I have two finals left tomorrow afternoon, then will check out first thing Friday morning and fly back to Idaho. I spent most of today packing. Hopefully I will get everything else packed and stored tomorrow morning.

This is it. I don't think it has hit me yet that this is the end of the year. I have been so busy, focused on what is in front of me and just surviving that I have not processed what is happening. I am finishing what I have been diligently working towards all year. This year has flown by and here I am facing internship in less than a month. Not only that, but I am leaving so many great people. If I think too much about it all I might breakdown in tears. So much is happening and so many changes are taking place. It is so much to take in.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

love come down

It has been awhile. Wow. So much is changing and going on it truly is unbelievable. Today was the last day of classes. Finals begin tomorrow. Jenny and Jessie are coming down tonight and we are going to look (and............
::phone call::

I was going to finish that sentence by saying....and hopefully find an apartment this weekend.....
But I was interrupted with a phone call from my Pastor. I emailed him last night about my office. He called to say that they were going to paint it whatever color I would like (light blue) and that I would have a laptop with wireless and a phone. Then I can decorate it however I would like! :)

He also called to say that the Pastor who is living in the parsonage received a call....they don't know if he is going to take it, but if he does the parsonage would be MINE! RENT FREE!!! Pastor Seals says that if he does take it they don't know when he would be moving, but once he was out it would be mine.


Then I called my mom and the first thing she said to me, even before a hello, was "so do you have an apartment?" Haha. Plus, I had a Bible study today about placing your trust completely in God. Oh God, you are a funny one.

There is obviously so much up in the air and I need to be in prayer, but I have faith that God will work out all the details.
Sorry, another phone call. Another good phone call. :)

Now I am really distracted.
Actually I think I am too distracted to write anything more worth reading. Sorry this is incoherent and all over....I guess that just mirrors how I am feeling.

Eight days until home.
One month until I am an intern...with a blue office.