Wednesday, October 31, 2007

putting off homework

today has been one of those blah days. you know the kind, where you just don't quite feel like yourself and you have absolutely no energy to do anything at all. well maybe you don't, but that is how my day has been.

i think life has just been a little off lately. since midterm break i've had such a hard time getting back into things. i feel sort of paralyzed.

recently i've been faced with how bizarre, scary, fun, short and long life can be.
i just don't understand it.
sickness. desparation. drugs. death. brokenness. love. loss.

why does my dear justin have cancer? why do idiots purposefully start fires? why would someone turn to drugs? why are some lives longer than others? why does love hurt so much? why do relationships end?

i like to think these things are proof that there has to be more than this life.
this seriously cannot be all there is.
it makes me ache for those who do not know jesus.

ultimately, i have no answers for these questions, but i do know that in all the chaos of this world, one thing remains constant and that is the unchanging, powerful, loving, compassionate god of mine. yes life hurts and we do not always understand it, but god is here and god is bigger than this sometimes painful world and i like to think that there is always a silver-lining.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

i float along these clouds of oranges and purple greens

Sorry for the lack of updating. These past couple weeks have literally been a whirlwind and completely surreal, in both good and bad ways. I feel like I have been on an emotional rollercoaster.

Seattle was so amazing! It was a much needed break, although I did not have a whole lot of down time because I was always on the go. I wish someone had videotaped me and Ash at the airport…so much laughing and screaming and hugging; it was wonderful. I loved my time with all the girls, who I missed sooo much. It was refreshing to be with people who know me so well and who I love so much. I’m so glad that I was able to go up there, even though it went by quickly.

While I was up there Ashlee and I got news that one of our friends from home has cancer. That was a shock. This past week has been one of constant prayer for him. It was good that Eric was here because I do not think I could have worked through my initial shock by myself. Last Thursday I went to Corona Del Mar and spent part of the day in prayer for Justin. God was so good during my time there. I was refreshed, renewed and filled with peace. I just wish I could go and be with him.

That news has caused me to do some major reminiscing and I have reconnected with two people who I have not spoken to in a long time. For one friend it has been close to two years since we’ve spoken and the other, almost a year. It felt so good to know that even though a lot has happened during that time, we could pick up where we left off. I pulled out an old journal last week and was reminded of fun times during high school with some great friends. I even found a picture that captured what I remember high school to be, it was taken at mine, Ashlee and Jessica’s graduation party, with all our close friends in it. I miss that.

So as if my life could not be strange enough, Sunday it got even weirder. I thought it was crazy because the Santa Anas were blowing so hard that it made driving scary, but little did I know about the fires that had started. I could smell the smoke on my way home from church Sunday evening, but did not realize how close one of them was to us. I talked to my roommates about it jokingly, but then I went to my small group, it was just my leader and I so we went to her room and she turned on the TV. That’s when I started getting nervous. From the news coverage it looked like it was headed towards campus. I walked back to my room through the smoky air and my roommates and I all packed bags just in case we had to be evacuated. It was such a strange experience. What possessions can’t I live without? What can I live without? What is most important to me? I did not think I was going to be able to sleep, but I managed to release my anxieties and relax. I am so thankful that we have not had to evacuate and I feel so bad for those who have had to. The air quality is still so poor down here. It doesn’t smell as bad as it did yesterday and Sunday, but ash was falling tonight as I walked back from the cafeteria. Please keep California in your prayers, the people who have lost homes, the people who’ve been evacuated, all the firefighters and people working to put them out. My dad is actually flying down tomorrow to work around San Bernardino. That got me really excited and I hope I can go visit him while he is down here.

Okay, that was a super long post. For those of you who stuck with it, thank you. I should go and get some homework done.


Tuesday, October 2, 2007

blessed is this life

It has sure been a crazy week, but then again, crazy has become my life. I feel like I am always on the go and by the time I get home I don't want to do anything, but sleep. Now that I feel semi-caught up on homework I am feeling sick. Boo. Hopefully in the next day or so I'll be feeling better so I can jump on my homework. I want to do as much as I can now so when I go to Seattle next week I can totally chill. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! I am totally going to make a scene when I am picked up at the airport...there will be major screaming, hugging and laughing. I can't wait!

Until then I am going to be planning children's messages, games and retreats and writing observation reports, theological research papers and worship evaluations. It looks like another crazy week, but like I said before crazy has become my life and I am slowly getting used to it.

It has been amazing because this week when I have started to get down or discouraged I have opened my mail box and received at least 4 notes from old friends, new friends and family....just when I needed it. I have also gotten emails, phone calls and hugs from good friends. God has blessed me abundantly.

Okay. I should keep this short so I can get some more homework done before bed.

goodnight. :)

P.S. I went to see Hairspray again. I shared my obsession with Eric. Hehe. :)